Jun 18, 2009

Understand failure to understand success

All of us always want to succeed in life; it is quite a natural desire. When the desire is natural the fulfillment should also be natural. Yet we observe failures happening in our life and in lives of others. Why is it so?

In order to understand this we must understand that nature is always perfect. The sun never fails to rise, earth never fails to rotate, and birds never fail to fly. Then why human beings do not always succeed in their endeavors?

What exactly causes human failure and what needs to be done to correct this?

Well, the cause of human failure is our expectation to fail. It is only human beings who entertain the possibility of failure, and therefore succeed in failing.

Let us now see how the expectation to fail leads to failure.

For this we must look at how the expectation works. Whenever we expect to fail we see a picture in our mind where we are failing, then a thought comes to our mind, “what if I fail?”, and then we feel fear. When mental picture, thought, and feeling becomes negative, we start losing confidence. This reduces our energy, and once the energy goes down we are unable to focus. Hereafter it becomes a struggle to succeed and we fail. This whole experience leaves a bad feeling and memory that serves as an emotional reference whenever we attempt to do something again. Now we combine expectation along with a previous experience and again repeat our failure. Therefore, it becomes a loop. This explains why those who fail keep failing most of the time because they are drawing references from their past failures.

So here is a great catch, if we turn around our expectations, we can turn around our results. This is something really empowering. All you need to do is change your expectation and change your results forever. You will always be successful no matter what you do. Now the question is how to change your expectations?

In order to come out of our negative expectations, we need to go to the root i.e. we must find out when we learned to expect a negative outcome. Well friends, all such learning happens in our childhood and most of such things we learn from our parents or elders and they learn it from theirs. When the parents fear that we may fail to do something, we too lose trust in ourselves and this is when we begin to form negative expectations. Our parent’s expectation about us becomes our own expectation from ourselves.

Therefore if you have such a challenge in life, do the following exercise right now and liberate yourself from the clutches of negative expectation:
1. Write down your current failures and see what your expectation at that point from yourself was.

2. Then write down all the times in the past when similar incidents have happened, note what your expectation each time was. Completely experience the pain of failure and let it go.

3. Then see what your parent’s expectations were from you. This gets little tricky here. Often parents motivate and praise their children and at a conscious level you may feel that they always inspired you, and that they always wanted you to succeed. Well, this is where the difference lies. They always WANTED you to succeed and they did not KNOW that you will succeed. They did not BELIEVE that you will succeed.

Consider this for a moment, do the birds ever entertain a doubt in the ability of their offspring to fly. No, they simply teach them to fly, and they fly.

Similarly, there are things that even your parents believed without doubt about you. For example, they never doubted in your ability to speak, walk, or run and you are doing these things without failing. Therefore, whatever, they believed without a doubt about you, you could do that, however whatever they doubted became your doubt in your own capacity.

4. Once you are able to see your parent’s doubt in your success see that as a child this led you to believe that there is something wrong with you as you attributed their doubt to your individual lack of capability. As you will see this you will feel pain inside your heart. Completely feel this pain, if you feel like crying, cry it out. Feel the pain till it is completely gone.

5. After, you release your pain, you will be able to see that it was just a parental fear and there is nothing wrong with your capabilities. When your perception about yourself will change, you will start expecting different results in your life

You are now on your success track, so enjoy each moment of your journey towards your success.

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